Poker on ESPN - A Referendum

I’m sorry, Poker, but I’ve held my silence for too long. While you may have a “World Series,” I have been curious as to why ESPN and TSN cover your events. I am here to make my arguments against your inclusion on the “Worldwide Leader in Sports” television network, because let’s face it, Poker. You just aren’t a sport.

According to Webster’s dictionary, a sport was defined as “1. A source of diversion: PASTIME”. In the 19th century, sporting newspapers would cover horse racing, boxing and baseball. However, they would also make note of the happenings in burlesque, music halls and vaudeville. By Mr. Daniel Webster’s definition, just about anything can be a sport. Scrabble, while an enjoyable pastime, is not a sport. Other sources of diversion that aren’t sports include singing, reading, and watching television.

By nature of what can be included in Webster’s archaic definition, we clearly need to redefine “sport”. Because as enjoyable as playing Hungry Hungry Hippos may be – it isn’t a sport.

Traditionally accepted sports include boxing, football, baseball, hockey, basketball, tennis, golf, and anything found at the Olympics. They all include elements of competition, physical exertion, and demand intense focus. In fact, I would argue that in order for an activity to be a sport, they must have all three of these elements.

A heated debate over the years has been regarding Nascar’s inclusion in the term “sport”. A quote attributed to Ernest Hemingway says: “There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing and mountaineering, all the others being games.” By my definition, Nascar is definitely a sport: while the engine does most of the work, drivers toil in 140 degree cockpits, sweating off ten pounds of water throughout the course of a race. They must maintain an intense focus for up to 4 hours, covering 500 miles of ground at speeds that most of us have only traveled on commercial airliners. The consequences of losing that focus are potentially disastrous. Anybody who has witnessed a Nascar race on television cannot question its level of competition. While Nascar drivers probably aren’t “athletes” per-se, they are definitely “sportsmen”.

Mountaineers could be also called “sportsmen”. What Hemingway liked about auto racing, mountaineering and bullfighting was the passion it required to look death in the eye and to choose to participate in that activity. These events are essentially struggles for survival between man and The Great Beyond – man’s decisions in the arena of those sports were tantamount to the decision between life and death. In the spirit of Hemingway’s quote, I am prepared to invite bow hunters and fishermen into the Club of Sports. There is a physical degree of difficulty that is included in pulling a 220 lb halibut from the sea. And there is no question that a life-and-death struggle is competitive and demands focus, whether it is man vs. man or man vs. beast.

Using the same criterion, let’s examine poker: It is undoubtedly competitive. I can’t imagine anything more cutthroat than a hundred men clamoring for several million dollars. Poker demands an intense amount of focus. One bad hand can spell disaster for a someone’s chances of winning “The World Series of Poker”. But the thing that trips me up is the degree of physical exertion. There just isn’t any. Sure, in the heat of the moment, a poker player might break a sweat. Mick Jagger sweats during his concerts; however, being a Rolling Stone is not a sport.

Poker – you’re close. You require focus and are very competitive. But two out of three doesn’t make you a sport. It leaves you in the “games” category. There is no shame in being grouped with Candyland, Halo, and Tic-Tac-Toe. They are all worthy peers. But in comparison to the potential for physical devastation in boxing, football, and hockey – real sports – you are just fun and games.