Pennsylvania, Puberty, and PLAYOFFS!

In the Conference Semifinals, I went 2/4. Not the best, but if you’re in a Canadian public school, it’s still a passing mark. I’ll take a D-. Because it won’t happen again. I promise, Mom. HOWEVER, if you take my prediction of the Audrina-Lauren Conrad/Lo fallout into account, it bumps me up to 60%. Because the groundwork for that has taken place. Justin-Bobby has a haircut and the chickens are coming home to roost. I don't know what that means. Moving on...

I would also like to take this time to sit down with Sidney Crosby and have a chat. His nickname needs an upgrade in regards to some changes... that, er... have taken place of late:

Sid the Kid is not longer a kid. He's growing into a man. And when boys turn into men... their bodies begin to change. And when this change takes place, we need to do certain things to keep our bodies healthy and appealing. I know, Sid, this is uncomfortable for me too.

But one of these new things we need to do is shaving. Once our facial hair starts to grow, we need to take care of that so we don't look like we have a scraggly chocolate-milk mustache growing under our nose and on our necks. He has a terrible neckbeard (worse than my friend Byron's and that IS a statement). Perhaps Gillette and Sidney can come up with a promotion of 50% off Mach-12 razors for those who are just now going through puberty.

You agree? I'm sure glad we got that out of the way! I feel so much better, Sidney. So do your chances of, er, scoring.

ON TO THE PREDICTIONS!

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL –

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

The Battle of Pennsylvania. As much as I love historical hockey meetings, where a genuine dislike of the team on the opposite side of the ice boils just under the surface, the NHL needs to market its high-intensity meetings better. NCAA football has the Red River Shootout, The Civil War and the Iron Bowl. When compared to the pageantry and classic titles of those historic match-ups, the Battle of Alberta, the Battle of Ontario and the Battle of Pennsylvania seem wanting for effort. This will become more evident when we discuss the sun-baked hatred of the Battle of Florida and the players surf their way into the Battle of California in years to come.

Several short weeks ago, one wouldn’t expect much of this series; however, with the strength with which the Flyers played against the Canadiens, they have shown that they are capable of not only building a lead, but they show the killer-instinct to deal the fatal blow to a team’s Stanley Cup hopes. Montreal, on the other hand, could not do this against Boston as that series dragged to 7 games. Philadelphia’s success in this series depends largely on one man. If Martin Biron plays against Pittsburgh the way he did against Montreal, the Flyers will have a chance of winning this series. He has a .914 save percentage through 12 games in these playoffs and will need to continue at that level against a significantly more potent Penguins offense. In comparison, Marc-Andre Fleury boasts a .938 save percentage, but his Penguins faced a Senators crew who had no will to live and an inconsistent Rangers team.

The Penguins, much like the Canadiens and the Capitals, are a skill-based team whose playoff success depends largely on their ability to score goals. Unlike these teams, they have more significant scoring threats whom the Flyers will have to guard closely. Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby have demonstrated their ability to overcome playoff adversity with unanticipated maturity. They have, at times, shown their youth such as when they both lost their heads against the Rangers and wound up in the penalty box together – which may never happen again. But overall, they kept it together when the Penguins were down by large margins – when they were down 3-0 in Game 1, Crosby had 2 assists and Malkin scored 1 goal and 1 assist. These are the necessary contributions from a team’s most talented players when they are facing serious adversity. These contributions are the hallmarks of leadership.

The Flyers have had contributions from some unlikely candidates this spring. RJ Umberger has turned into a juggernaut who was a large contributing factor to the demise of the Habs. He scored 8 goals in 5 games against them, after scoring 13 goals in 74 games this season. The only possible explanation for his emergence is that in the playoffs, grit accounts for so much more than it does in the regular season. Often, the only way to score goals after April is by going to the net hard and taking your lumps – something that Umberger does better than the average bear. He will continue to be a factor in this series, along with the Usual Suspects of Danny Briere, Mike Richards, Jeff Carter and Joffrey Lupul. Philadelphia NEEDS their secondary players to keep scoring in order for them to stay in this series. If the scoring is left to Briere and Richards, the Flyers won't last long against the high-flying Penguins.

One thing Philadelphia needs to be aware of is the Pens' ability to blow a team out. If they continue to take penalties the way they did in the first two rounds, this will be a very short series. Pittsburgh has firepower that rarely find its way into the same Division, let alone the same team. The Flyers were the most suspended team in hockey during the regular season, and are the most penalized team in the playoffs. This might get some players looking over their shoulders, while others will be licking their chops. If they allow Crosby and Malkin to frequently have a man advantage, Biron will not likely be speaking to his teammates, as his save percentage will drop faster than booty in a Lil' John video.

The Penguins’ mental health will be a factor in this series as well. They have had it easy compared to the physical play that the Flyers are going to bring their way. If Pittsburgh lets it get to them – and we saw the Rangers get in the heads of Crosby and Malkin, especially in the game New York won – it could be their own downfall. They need to expect the Flyers to be a nasty, dirty, unpleasant team to play against if they are going to make it to The Finals. On the other hand, if the Flyers' grit leads them into penalty trouble, this could be an extremely short series because Pittsburgh will bury Philly if they get many multiple chances on the PP every game.

Bottom Line: When I see this Flyers team, I think of a rat. And not in the way that they have rabies and eat dog-poo. They find a way to survive and keep surviving against all odds. They are tough and have made the most of what their team can do. But Pittsburgh’s skill will be too much for Philadelphia to handle. The Penguins will be the last team standing in the Battle of Pennsylvania.

Pittsburgh in 6.